Green Acres Bliss: November 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Home on the range?

Ive become obsessed with the idea of owning cows.

Part of my mild OCD tends to make me focus obsessively on one idea for days once it pops into my head. It would be awesome if it worked on things like Algebra or Chemistry, but it doesnt.

And so Ive compulsively researched all aspects of owning cows. Theres almost no way to make money at this and of course we cant actually afford to buy/feed/care for a cow but that doesnt stop my brain from running wild with the idea.

Oh yeah, Ive never even touched a cow.

They dont seem very scarey, and they seem kind of like they take care of themselves if you put them out to pasture. As long as they have water and dont get sick.

But what the hell do you do with it once you have it, besides feed it and grow it, etc? I'm NOT milking a cow. THAT scares me. I fear I would grow attached to it as a pet and then not want to use it for beef. So then what? I spend the next 10 15 20 years with a pet cow? I obviously dont even know how long a cow lives.

Now how about chickens? I would like to have fresh eggs even though I dont eat eggs, and I HATE chickens so I dont think I would get attached as a pet. But therein lies the problem, I HATE chickens. They are the most annoying, stupidest farm animal on earth and if I have to go out the the barn in the sun, rain, snow, and sleet, I would at least like to open the barn door to see an animal I like. Thats not a chicken.

I feel like we have 14 acres we should be doing something with. I just dont know what to do with all this pasture and forest.

I dont know how farming would work considering 90% of my shoe collection is sandles, and fairly expensive 4inch heels in various styles.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 12:46 PM comments (0)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Weekly Music

I almost forgot...
This is the music in our house this week!

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
I Leanrned the Hard Way

This album is so good I cant even begin to put it into words. There is so much soul in Sharon Jones Im surprised she doesnt explode, oozing soul all over everything withing 50yards of her.
The Dap-Kings are equally as amazing on their instraments. I am a huge lover of really put together string or brass sections in bands and these guys are killer.

1. The Game Gets Old
2. I Learned the Hard Way
3. Better Things
4. Give It Back
5. Money
6. The Reason
7. Window Shopping
8. She Ain't a Child No More
9. I'll Still Be True
10. Without a Heart
11. If You Call
12. Mama Don't Like My Man
13. When I Come Home (Bonus Track)

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 6:15 PM comments (0)

Lost in Laundry

I just climbed over 2 mountains of laundry(one clean, one dirty) to bring you this blog post. I, quite frankly, am exhausted.

There are 6 of us here. I do the laundry...6 peoples worth of laundry. I mean in a given week I can barely get my own laundry washed and put away let alone 5 other peoples laundry. Im working on something like load 5 or so and there is no end in sight. Ive collected the laundry out of the hall closet(A and JDs spot for dirty clothes), off the bathroom floor, and off the laundry room floor. I havent even gotten to picking up laundry in the boys rooms, or off mine and Olivers floor. Ive washed stray blankets, and towels. Ive piled the couch full of clean clothes. Ive hauled baskets up and down the stairs, back and forth through the house.

Ugh.

A and JD are supposed to be learning to put their own laundry away but it usually ends up stashed in some corner of the closet, under a dresser or bed, or thrown onto a shelf someplace. Putting their own laundry away was supposed to help remedy the whine I hear every single morning... "I cant find any pants/sock/underware..." It wasnt worked so far. I guess its hard to locate your pants/sock/underware when its wadded in the corner of the closet or under the bed.

*eye roll*

C will put away his laundry as long as you show him was drawers it goes in which is getting there.... I fully expect him to be able to put away his own laundry within the next year. Which he of course will not do but will throw it into a corner or under something just like A and JD.

Le Sigh

So here I sit amid piles of laundry, fighting off the last bit of a ridiculous head cold, And Ive completely given up.
Im watching football and drinking a beer, resting an elbow on a pile of jeans and my leg on a basket of shirts. Im on laundry strike...

Which is unfortunate becuase I still dont have any clean underware.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 5:50 PM comments (0)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Our Eclectic Thanksgiving

Lets take a quick trip back through time...

My parents divorced when I was in High School. It wasnt shocking, nor was it nasty. Not only were my folks NOT soul mates, they were just nothing alike at all.
Fast forward to every momentous occasion since then(my wedding, the birth of both my children, birthdays, my mothers re-marriage, etc). My parents get along... well even. Even better than that, my step parents get along well too. In fact, I might even consider my mom and stepmom FRIENDS! *gasp*

My mom doesnt really cook. I dont want to knock mom or anything. She cooks some things well, and she bakes wonderfully. But a whole Thanksgiving dinner? Scarey! That first divorced Thanksgiving my sister and I had Pizza Hut on speed dial. Just.In.Case.

So my father in his infinite wisdom(infinite might be a bit of an overstatement) decided that maybe he should just invite my mom to his house for Thanksgiving since we all really wanted to eat his food.
Thus began our eclectic Thanksgiving cast of characters:
Mom
Stepdad
Stepsister
Dad
Stepmom
Stepbrother
Stepsister
Step"Mimi"
Step"Bupa"
Me
Oliver
All 4 boys
And any other stragglers we can haul in off the streets(no joke)

My mom, stepmom, and Mimi play cards and drink wine and laugh LOUD.
My stepdad watches football and my dad watches too(code for: naps).

Everyone there knows its a little weird for all of us to be together like one big family but we know we are amazingly lucky to have a parents that can get along, even if they cant be married.

So I'm spending the afternoon making Deviled Eggs(I've never had a deviled egg in my life) and key lime no bake cheesecake for another Thanksgiving with these odd people Im thankful to call my family.

Oh and a quick Thank You to Shannon of
The Shanner of Attention for the $25 Khols giftcard I won on her blog!

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 2:10 PM comments (1)

Monday, November 22, 2010

The weather has taken a turn...

(rain over Lake Michigan)

Though its normally 40 degrees or less this time of year, its 60 degrees today.

My friends called to tell me the tables are even out at Yesterdog which is rare in November. While Im not enjoying any yummy messy hotdogs I am enjoying some other things...

Fancy Rainboots. I love my rainboots.

Endless cups of coffee

Endless Oliver snuggles

Comfort food

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 3:14 PM comments (1)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Happy Saturday

Winter is well on its way and in Michigan that means lots of snowy, wet, dreary days. Since it was beautiful outside today and not terribly cold and windy I thought I'd take JR out for a walk, for his sake and mine.

He brought binoculars because he wanted to find deer but of course, there is no way an awake 2 year old can be quiet enough to sneek up on a deer.

Onward with the picture post...

Your sign does not trick me. I hear the gunfire constantly. Hopefully no one is feeling perticularly Saint Hubert-esque today out here.

We wandered around the back of the barn to get into the horse pen.

Amen Brotha. You wont find me in there.

Im sending him out to pasture. He even has his choice of 2 pastures. He picked the one on the left.

The house from the bottom of the pasture

He was feeling conflicted. He really wanted to explore but he wanted to hold mommys hand while doing it. Unfortunately, mommy made it clear she wasnt going any further into the weeds.

Hungry Hungry Horses?

Thanks for exploring with us!

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 12:56 PM comments (0)

Friday, November 19, 2010

The childless and their grandious delusions about parenthood

My beautiful younger childless(but not for long) sister called me last night.
"How do your kids act in the store?"
"Depends on the day I guess."
"Ok but usually... Usually how do they act?"
"There is no "usual" kind of behavior in the store," I said flatly thinking of how I could explain the elaborate mathmatical equation I use for figuring out how they are MOST LIKELY to behave in the store on any given trip.
"But would you just let them throw a tantrum in the store?"
"Look," I said, "If you are going to have a self rightous moment where you swear you will never let your precious angel throw a fit in the store Im going to knock you off your pedistal right now. We all think for a hot minute that we have these amazing well behaved children who would never do that but its a TRICK! It will happen. Maybe not until they are three but it will show up."
I think that was followed by a pause, some nervous laughter as it perhaps set in, and then was followed by a story about the sugared up ill behaved children she encounters at work every day.

Whew.

Im sure glad I didnt actually hear "I will NEVER let my kid act that way" because I would hate to have to reach through the phone and slap a pregnant woman.

Its like those people who swear their kid will never be dirty, with snot from ear to ear which has also inevitably attracted every piece of lint, pet hair, and dirt in the house.
I took JR to the store last night for a quick trip to get laundry soap since Oliver was in the middle of a laundry marathon. I swear, I looked right at him as I strapped his shoes on and zipped his coat. I saw nothing dirty about the childs face.
Of course, the second we got under the bright lights of our local grocery store, every bit of crusted snot, dirt, and hair on his face stood out like it was neon.

Ive realized that its a loosing battle... especially with JR. Hell even with me. I cant tell you the number of times this school year that Ive unknowingly dropped C off with pancake batter crusted to my hair/ear/cheek/shirt.

I just keep my head low and hope the other moms are all too worried about their bedhead to notice what food item has worked its way into mine.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 10:22 AM comments (0)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The music in our house this week

They Might Be Giants - Here Comes Science

All 6 of us love it. From the 2 year old to the 40 year old. You cant blame us. Its catchy.

1. Science is Real
2. Meet the Elements
3. I Am A Paleontologist
4. The Bloodmobile
5. Electric Car
6. My Brother The Ape
7. What Is A Shooting Star
8. How Many Planets?
9. Why Does The Sun Shine?
10. Why Does The Sun Really Shine?
11. Roy G. Biv
12. Put It To The Test
13. Photosynthesis
14. Cells
15. Speed & Velocity
16. Computer Assisted Design
17. Solid Liquod Gas
18. Here Comes Science
19. The Ballad of Davy Crockett

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 6:17 PM comments (0)

Wood Burning Woes

Ive never lived anyplace with a fireplace or wood stove. In fact when I was purchasing a house some 3 years ago, I refused to even look at homes with either because of the crazy hike in homeowners insurance. Plus the fact that I had small kids and was terrified something awful would happen.
So now Oliver and I have one. We spent a week chopping wood to stack outside the back door. Easily one of my least favorite chores, second only to moving leaves.

Now we need to stove cleaned so it can actually be used without burning the house down. Then I need to have a long conversation with the kids about the wood stove rules or before long I'll have a 2 year old trying to add wood to the fire for me. Its getting colder and colder and the house is getting colder and well frankly, Im a crab-ass when Im cold. God bless the men in this house for putting up with me while we wait for the chimney guy.

It will be at least the second week of December before he arrives.

Oliver and I had a long conversation about Christianity in the car this morning. We share very similar core beliefs and both agree that organized religion is a crock. We attend a non-denominational church every Sunday and we have both spent a lot of time studying world religions and were both raised in religious homes, his Catholic, mine Christian Reformed.

I think it began this morning while listening to something on NPR and I pipped up and said I felt bad for Muslims because they as a whole get a bad rap just because like 1% of them are nutty extremists.
Oliver likened it to persecuting all Christians because theres a terribly small percentage who run around bombing abortion clinics.
We concluded together as we pulled in the driveway that perhaps true Christianity is doing the right thing because its the right thing, not because you have a fear of not going to Heaven.

P.S. Have you heard the story of the fig tree in Matthew? Jesus was hungry and pissed off. I mean, I can sympathize but still.....

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 10:40 AM comments (0)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

And we're off!

We are back on the parenting train tonight. C and JR have returned from dads house! The house is filled with the joyful sounds of Oliver throwing out thinly veiled threats as he wreastles the kids into bed and I can hear the indignation in their little voices in return.
One of the biggest tension points in our house revolves around the kids playing too close to the huge plasma tv. C has aspergers which along with other weird quirks, he "dances", flapping his arms and dancing on his toes. JR is just a nut because hes two and a half. These two things combined cause Oliver a huge amount of stress about his poor tv. Tonight we reached a solution that works for everyone....

A circle of painters tape on the floor around the tv and then, "If I find you inside that tape I will *insert your favorite child friendly threat of bodily harm here*" and the children nodding and staring at us wide eyed.
Now that Im not on constant vigil making sure the children stay away from the tv, I can focus my energy on keeping the children away from the dogs. The dogs have fleas. FLEAS! Thats not even what concerns me. What concerns me is that we put flea junk on them today and Im completely terrified that the children will get it on themselves and then best case scenerio they give me grandchildren in the future with 3 eyes. Worst case scenerio I never get grandchildren because they die from some odd chemical poisoning.
Irrational? Maybe. Do I care? Of course not.
So I spent my evening ~~shrieking~~asking them kindly to please not touch the dogs or cats.
We also made cake in an effort to turn on the oven and warm up the house...

and because Im addicted to cake. I only had to wipe one egg off the floor after JR "helped" and a quarter of the batter off the walls after C "mixed".
Just when I though relaxation was iminent seeing as the children have drifted off to sleep Oliver asked me to proof read the paper hes writting. He has many convictions and one of them is genetically modified corn.

I wont lie. I couldnt care less. Im sure its important. And I do my best to be interested because I know its important to him.
Another beer and I'll be warmly receptive to all of this corn mumbo jumbo.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 9:49 PM comments (0)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

This is where I live

Welcome to my new home. Im still settling in. Im still exploring town to figure out what they have to offer but I dont go into town much. I do know, we are REALLY close to the lake. About 3 miles or so. Saugatuck is the gay vacation capitol of the world or something like that which is cool. Its a big vacation destination for people from Chicago. Its got almost no one in it in the winter and it explodes in the summer. It seems cute from what Ive seen so far.

Saugatuck is what it means to slow down and relax. I'm still learning.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 12:58 PM comments (0)

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Grown-Ups only weekend! Ok we're actually just playing video games too

Every other weekend Oliver and I have a child-free weekend while all 4 boys are off visiting their other parent. Our scheduals are completely wonky at first glance but when you look a little harder you'll notice that we have time with just my boys, time with just his boys, all 6 of us together, and then some time for just Oliver and I. Every 2 weeks its a constant rotation. Really as far as custody issues go, I think it works out great. We are still trying to locate someone who will also take the dogs and cats away for the weekend too.

For the last month every single weekend has been us constantly running around. We have had all kinds of plans and places to be and it had just gotten ridiculous.

I declared this "Do Not Disturb" weekend.

A and JD left this morning for school and we wont see them again until Monday, C and JR will return to the house on Sunday. That mean from 8am today untill 6pm on Sunday we are doing nothing. Or rather, we're doing whatever we want and doing it in our own time. Mostly I think Oliver wants to stock up on food and beer and spend the weekend relaxing by the fire. I have some things I would like to do.... if I get around to it. Mainly taking the dogs to the beach for a run(them, not me. I dont run) and perhaps putting away laundry.

I might even look around to see if there is any decent live music around which is never an easy task. We live in a town with less than a thousand year round residents and this is the off season. Its not a very happenin place these days but one can always hold out hope.

And with that, my Do Not Disturb weekend starts. Ive been trying to decide how much personal information to devulge in this blog. Seems like the general viewing public would have an easier time understanding, and I would have an easier time writting if you all knew where we live.

I'll sleep on it.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 11:50 AM comments (0)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Did I just move into a gang war?

I thought I got away from the sound of gun fire when I left the city.
Wrong.
Hunting season is opening!
Oliver is explaining hunting to me. Well the finer details anyways, like when which seasons start, and how to not accidently get shot mostly. These are things that would have been good to know BEFORE I went tromping through the woods yesterday to explore(I found trees).
I've made Oliver promise me that there will never be any dead deer hanging upside down in our yard ever. EVER. He looked uneasy but he promised.

Everyone has comfort boundries. Mine are somewhere just before dead animals strung from trees.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 1:03 PM comments (1)

Fishpond: 1 Me: 0

Last week Oliver brought me home a gift.

Leather work gloves...

He used to bring me home flowers. *sigh*

This morning he was gone so I decided to put those work gloves to use in the yard. A shower, 2 shades of eyeshadow, and 4 different kinds of hair product later(hey a gals gotta look good), I was ready to go. To go get coffee anyways... You see I don't make great coffee. I make good coffee. Oliver makes the great coffee and hes not home. Coffeeshop you say? Well thats easily going to take me 45minutes round trip. Gas Station coffee it was!

I put on my work gloves and drank my coffee. All good work gloves should first be broken in with a good relaxing cup of coffee. While surveying the yard I decided that I could start raking leaves and then burn them. I hate raking and Ive never in my life burned leaves. This would require building a fire.

So I managed to get a fire started without starting myself on fire, or falling into the fire. No one has ever left me build my own fire. This is personal growth people. I got about 2 piles of leaves together and started burning them by the time Oliver got home. He had a sparkle in his eye. That "shes doing yard work!" sparkle.

I went to work around the little koi pond disgusting wreck of pond scum. The pond area is about my second favorite place in the yard. Its a little pond surrounded by rocks and plants. Its been filled with disgusting pond scum and a wooden floating duck since I got here but my goal is to fix it up so it looks nice next year. So I started moving the rocks around and pulling weeds. I got this brilliant idea that I needed to reline the edge of the pond and the garden next to it with rocks. A little voice in my head spoke up and said "If you mess with that pond you're going to fall in". I of course promptly told that voice to shut it and went about my business anyways. Well, it was right. I did fall in. Just a foot, but do you know how bad that one foot smells? Like pond scum, or crap if you're unfamiliar.

This whole time Oliver is blowing leaves around the yard and Im pretty focused on my new little rock garden. Oliver will tell you I was playing with rocks to avoid doing leaves. I of course know that is ridiculous.

In my archaeological conquest in my new found rock garden I dug up all kinds of stuff. Someone did think it was appropriate to bury broken pottery. If history has taught us anything its that pottery survives. This stuff doesn't compost(oh compost, thats coming isnt it?). I don't know what they were thinking but I learned to not garden without gloves. Ok I don't garden. I cant keep anything alive. Like I said, dirt's not my thing.

Eventually Oliver sucks me into using the leaf blower right after he teaches me how to use it. This is about the same time as the kids get off the bus and come up the drive. I couldnt hear them but I know they were begging Oliver for a turn with the blower. But alas, I blew leaves for an hour. That does not do good things to your body. Why do people use those things! My arm still feels crazy from all the vibrating.

I told Oliver about my trip into the pond tonight around the fire. He laughed so hard I thought he would fall over. Im glad someone thought my smelly foot was funny.

I was also informed that theres a giant angry woodchuck out back that Oliver is going to shoot very soon.

Oh boy

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 12:01 PM comments (0)

All this love in the air is making me dizzy... or maybe its just the manure?

I don't know anything about the country. I grew up near the country. Ive driven through the country. I've heard stories from people who live in the country. I however, mostly have tried to avoid anything involving cows, fresh clean air, or mud.

Falling in love with Mr. Oliver Douglas changed all of that. The man of my dreams is a country boy of the rarest variety. A tattooed, opinionated, loving, musician who is 15 years my senior. He is in love with his life in the country and wanted me to share it with him. I could have said no. I could have stayed right where I was in my apartment in the city with my shoecollection, within walking distance of delicious Indian food, and live music.

But we all do silly things for love right?

So here I am. Smack dab in the middle of nowhere.

Me and Oliver with our mixed family of 4 boys(A-11, JD-10, C-5, and JR-2), 2 dogs and 2 cats. 14 acres and a 3 bedroom house is what we call home.

I have touched things that give me the willies. I have smelled things that made me downright nauseous. I have heard things that I cant discern in the dark of the woods, or even worse yet Ive heard nothing at all.

So there it is. I'm going to learn to slow down and enjoy a simpler life surrounded by my family. These are my adventures. There might be tears. There will probably be fits of hysteria even. You lucky people get to witness the entire mess.

Posted by Mrs. Lisa Douglas at 11:46 AM comments (2)

Green Acres Bliss

In The Country No One Can Hear My Screams